Ulterior motives. We all have them (unless you are cut from more saintly material than am I . . . which is always a definite possibility). With the advent of Dressage at Devon upon us I invite you to contemplate our ulterior motives which, at least in part, induce us to leave our own horse buddies at home so we may venture forth to shows such as Devon.

Before meditating upon my own concealed motives for attendance upon any horse show, permit me to provide a non-equestrian example of such motivations. My Irish relatives as well as my English cronies all hate me when I propose the hidden desires which drive them (and me!) to the table for “high tea.” Oh, yes, a good part of this afternoon ritual is the need for sustenance. However – when examined by a curmudgeon such as myself – there are deeper needs at work.

First, we must dispense with the image many folks have between their ears of the foodstuffs served at high tea. Yes, there may be cucumber sandwiches and other frilly little comestibles on the table when it is set with the de rigueur tea. Far more important and nearly always at the center of the dining ritual are the scones, clotted cream, and preserves/marmalades.

Here we return to my starting point, ulterior motives. On the surface my U.K. acquaintances would have me believe that afternoon tea is a simple food service intended to tide one over until the evening meal. Aha! Then why are the dainty scones heaped high with clotted cream (a dairy product that falls somewhere between whipped cream and outright butter – leaning mightily in the direction of the latter) followed by a healthy dollop of confiture?

My suspicious nature digs below the surface of the gustatory ritual and finds here an excuse to indulge – no, that is far too genteel a word – to dive head first into the forbidden fruit of high cholesterol victuals. If you have never treated yourself to a proper high tea, you must promise me, here and now, that you will immerse yourself in a pot of clotted cream (make that double clotted cream, if you will) at least once before you shuffle off this mortal coil. Have we an accord?